Not Spending Money

How to Say NO to Friends

June 15th, 2009 . Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

no money One of the most frustrating aspects of not spending money is that friends or coworkers will inevitably ask you to social events that will be beyond your price range.

Saying “no” is not always easy, especially if you particularly want to spend time together or if they are in danger of being offended if you decline.

It seems like everything costs money. Your coworkers go to lunch = money. Your friends want to go see a movie = money. Your friend who you haven’t seen in awhile wants to get together = money. You want to get together with friends but need to buy food = money. Saying “no” is an art, and there are a number of ways to go about it — and some ways NOT to.

Things to do:

Suggest an alternative
- By suggesting an alternative, you show that you are indeed interested in spending time with your friend. So you might not be interested in meeting up with everyone for a comedy show with pricey tickets, but you might suggest playing frisbee at a local park, go for a hike, or have a game night. If your friends are into museums, there are often “free” days once a month or so that you can bring to your friends’ attention.
Provide your own alternative
- If you are meeting friends for lunch, sometimes it’s possible just to bring your own sack lunch. If you are going to a fancy Halloween party, it’s possible to find a costume among your existing clothes. If they are asking you to contribute to an office gift pool, you can opt instead to make a nice personalized card. There are a lot of ways to bring your own supplies/food/items in such a way that you control the costs, not them.
Go, but don’t spend money
- This option works well in bars and restaurants. It is relatively easy to inconspicuously get a water at a bar (you can even ask for the little straws) and enjoy the time with friends without buying drinks. If your friends question you, you can laugh and say that you’re on a budget. Or you can make up an elaborate story about how you made a bet with a passing stranger for a million dollars that you couldn’t drink more than fifteen glasses of water a day for a week and that you are several glasses behind. Whatever works for you. It’s also a good option at restaurants; sometimes you can grab a bite before going out and then just make your presence felt and not order anything. In large groups, especially, nobody will really care, since the food usually comes at different times anyway.
Go, but spend less money
- This works when there’s really no way to get around eating with friends. Once I went to a swanky place for lunch with work buddies; they all ordered full lunch specials (the kind that comes with dessert) and I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu: a bowl of soup for $6. The thing is, the soup (with lots of their yummy free bread) actually ended up being just about right. Some restaurants are so in love with large portions that nothing on the menu is reasonably priced; sometimes, you can split meals with like-minded friends. Some places, you can leave out one part of the experience entirely and still get what you came for. This is the case at movie theatres; foregoing popcorn and drinks severely cuts the overall price.
Find other ways to contribute
- If you are invited to a gathering (such as a potluck) where you are asked to bring something outside your budget, ask instead if you can bring a movie, music, games, outdoor toys, help set up/take down, or even host the event if you’d rather do that then blow your budget. The good thing about hosting is that you don’t have to pay for gas, either.
Be Honest
- For the most part, people are pretty understanding. Right now, everyone is griping about the economy and this type of behavior is more common. Sometimes when you are honest about your motives, people might be helpful and have cost-free solutions of their own.

Things NOT to do:

Make Excuses or Lie
- If you put people off by making excuses to hide your economic situation, people will eventually believe that you have no time to spare for them. If you lie to cover up your real motives, people will stop trusting you. Both of these can tarnish friendships and business contacts.
Avoid People
- Similar to above, avoiding people because you don’t have the money for an activity can lead them to believe that you simply aren’t interested. If you’ve been doing this for awhile, it’s easily remedied by calling them up and inviting them for a walk.
Promise to treat later
- Sometimes friends will “cover for you” if you promise to treat them later. This may seem like a good deal at the time (since you’re not actually out the money for the activity) but you do have to pay it eventually, so you’re essentially spending the money anyway. If it’s not something you can spend money on now, it’s not something you can spend money on next week either.
Forever mooch off your friends
- When someone makes a big deal out of their “reduced circumstances”, good friends might chime in and cover your ticket, drink, dinner, babysitting, gas money, whatever. This is very kind of them. But everyone knows that it’s temporary.
Spend more than you want because you don’t want to say no.
- For me, this is the easiest mistake to make. It’s easy not to buy coffee, but it’s so easy to justify the coffee if I’m connecting with an old friend. Of course there are times when you might make budget exceptions, but doing so on a regular basis is an easy trap to fall into, especially when the people in your life are so important.

Ultimately, there may end up being certain circles that will insist upon pricey activities and there may end up being certain friends that will always ridicule you for not being able to participate. Frankly, if people are going to be that obnoxious, you might want to find friends who are understanding about your situation and decisions. There are lots of lovely people in the world who completely understand that you have budget needs and will enjoy hanging out with you anyway. I’ve always found that the most interesting people can spend an afternoon doing nothing whatsoever, as long as there is good conversation and maybe a cup of tea.

Image courtesy of julielenzerkirk.com.

Moving On: Getting over your bad self (and your mistakes)

June 9th, 2009 . Posted in mistakes, treating yourself, why we buy | No Comments »

We’ve all done it before– no matter how much you’re on a budget, no matter how frugal you’re being, no matter how many Ramen noodles you eat instead of going out, there’s that day when you sit back, go over your personal finances and say…

I spent HOW much??? On THAT????

Yes, yes you did.

First, learn from it. What item could you simply not live without? Did you make the decision to buy it actually in the store, or before you even went in? Before you even left your house? Next time, is it easier to just not go into that store? Or go grocery shopping with less cash in your pocket, and no cards? Or is it easier to ask someone else to pick something up for you, so you spend less?

Everyone’s got their different trigger points. For me, I learn to avoid bookstores if I don’t want to buy books. It’s just a lot easier than listening to all my convincing arguments about why I need a particular book once I’m in the store.

But everyone’s got different buttons. It might be easier to not go shopping if you’re not reading ladies’ magazines, or it might be easier to spend less on food if you’re not watching the food network.

If you have kids, you might find that your kids ask for fewer toys if you don’t visit the toy section, or if you mute the commercials while watching TV.

These might not work for you. Experiment.

Next, remediate it. Can you re-sell the item on eBay? Can you return it at the store? Can you apologize? If so, consider it. If not, get over it.

Now, move on. Get over it. Quit bemoaning the fact that you now have something off eBay that you didn’t really need or want and was damaged in shipping, and go do something else. Something that distracts you.

Maybe even treat yourself, for learning an important lesson. Not at the coffee shop, not at the bookstore. Find a pleasant place to walk. Find a nice hillside with grass where you can sit and feel the breeze. Go to the library and find a new author. Read something interesting online. Take a hot bath.

And just don’t make the same mistake again. If you’re treating yourself well in other ways, you won’t need to.

A Word about Personal Finances

June 3rd, 2009 . Posted in affording, personal, private | No Comments »

A word about personal Finances:

What you make is YOUR business. It isn’t anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter if you make 100,000 a year, or 50,000 a year, or 18,000 a year.

What you spend (or not spend) is also YOUR business. Times are tough right now, but they won’t always be, and for some who have kept their jobs and their savings, the economic downturn has been sort of a rethinking time period. People have asked themselves, “Do I really need a fourth car, or can I get up a few minutes early to drive the kids to school, the way I did the rest of their education?” They’re asking themselves, “Do I need an expensive birthday party every year, or do I get what I need out of getting some friends together to eat some cake?” “Do I want a bigger house, or do I actually, in my heart-of-hearts, get tired of cleaning it?” ”Would the money I save by not eating out offer more reassurance if it were in a savings account?” “Is it still worth taking that vacation if it means that I have to get rid of my magazine subscriptions, club membership, and Internet connection? If it really is worth it, then what do I fill my time with when I get rid of those less important items?” It’s a time when people are doing some self-assessment, regardless of income level.

People are re-assessing their status quo, whether they’ve lost their job or kept it. People are examining what is important, whether they can “afford it” or not. What you feel you can afford or save or spend is up to YOU.

That being said, it’s ok to not spend money even if you make more than your friends. And it’s ok to spend money (assuming you have it to spend) even if you make less than your friends. Your money is YOUR money; you don’t owe your neighbors an explanation.

That’s why its called PERSONAL finace. Because it’s personal.

The Closet Frugality Snob

May 26th, 2009 . Posted in frugal living, snob | No Comments »

I was reading in Psychology Today the other day that snobs are not people who have expensive tastes, but people who just think they’re better than others for whatever reason.

This may seem obvious, but we all indulge in our own little brands of snobbery. For example, some people who drive cars feel like they are somehow superior (maybe because they’ve made better economic choices and can afford a car and gas) to people who are forced to take a bus, while people who take the bus might feel that they are superior (maybe because they are making better economic choices to live frugally) to people who hog the road with their cars. Numerous examples abound, in our choices of fashion, neighborhood, or even grocery stores or reading material.

For those of us who are on strict budgets, are making significant cutbacks, or are successful in engineering major lifestyle changes in efforts to not spend money, it’s easy to fall into a sort of snobbery because of the challenges we’ve faced and the successes we’ve mastered. As I mentioned in a previous post, being cheap is supposedly chic right now, and even movie stars are flaunting their frugality in conspicuous ways. After all, if I walk to work, it’s because I’m more environmentally conscious, not because I’m cheap. If I shop at a thrift store, I’m more frugal than someone who shops at Nieman Marcus, and I can take comfort in the fact. If I forego dinner out with friends, then I can feel good about the fact that am more self-sacrificing, or have more self-control than those who went. I write a blog about not spending money; obviously I feel like I know more about than those who don’t write blogs and buy candy instead.

Of course this type of thinking is ridiculous, and it’s a dangerous pattern to fall into, no matter how good it makes you feel. Of course we all need motivation, and if we are depriving ourselves to fit within our budgets, then seeing that path as superior is tempting, to say the least. It’s human nature. But since it’s human nature to be just a bit snobby about our choices, it’s all the more important to realize when its happening and call ourselves out on the fact.

Spending money (or not spending money) is ultimately about choices. Everybody will find a slightly different balance between their spending choices and their saving choices. If I choose to be miserly on bath accessories but indulge in second-hand electronics, does that mean I am being more frugal than someone who frequents happy hour but never buys books? Of course not, but when we make that choice and are subsequently left at home during the next night out, it’s easy to make inaccurate comparisons.

If you are a closet frugality snob, try seeking encouragement by talking with others and getting ideas by listening to their saving choices, rather than listening to their spending choices and letting yourself feel superior.

Ok, I’m done preaching for now– I’m off to laugh at all the people who don’t save for retirement.